May 24, 2024

Big Citia Tribune

The least popular name in news

Trump can’t be the Antichrist because… well.. uh…

2 min read

WASHINGTON–So many Christian Democrats are saying Trump could be the Antichrist, and that’s just not the case. There are dozens of reasons that will prove that wrong… I’m sure of it.

First, the Bible says… um. Well. Actually, I concede to the fact that the Bible does say a whole lot about the Antichrist being someone just like Trump. He’s got his name written on a bunch of buildings, the Maga hat is on worn on your forehead, he has billions of dollars, one of his biggest buildings has a 666 address … let’s move on.

Second, Trump… uh. Goes… to… uh… church!–Yeah, okay! He can’t be the Antichrist because we saw him go to church! That… well… that one time. I guess he didn’t even walk in. He just arrested all of the protesters that were next to the church to make his way over there, and then took a picture of him holding a book and walk back. We assume it was a Bible… but it might not have even been a Bible. Okay, let’s move on again.

We’ve seen him reading a Bible before, though!–Actually, hold on. I don’t think we have. We’ve just seen him holding it. He actually hasn’t read anything out loud while being recorded so far.

Even Obama read the Bible…

But we know he’s read the Bible! There was one time when an interviewer asked him his favorite verse… and he responded by saying… well, that he doesn’t know any–but let’s get to my final point.

Trump can’t be the Antichrist because…

Because, you know what, the Antichrist doesn’t exist and Trump does, okay? That’s why. One’s real and one’s fake.

That’s the only difference I can find, but you know what? That’s enough!

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