July 20, 2024

Big Citia Tribune

The least popular name in news

“I never really cared about Texans anyway,” Governor Abbott admits to press

1 min read

TEXAS—Following a press conference Abbott held on Tuesday announcing that he plans on re-opening the state, he admitted to reporters what everyone already knew—that he never really cared for Texans anyway. 

“Business are what fund my campaign,” said Abbot.  “Also, the working class of Texas is completely expendable.  The reason we keep unemployment high is so there are plenty of replacements when casualties happen.  It’s all part of the plan.”

Abbott later also said the mask mandate was a dumb idea that “really only existed to keep Texans alive and healthy.”

“The entire premise of the mask mandate is based on clear socialist principles,” he said.  “All masks do is keep citizens safe from the virus.  There isn’t a single benefit.  Oil companies didn’t make a single dime on masks.”

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