“Republicans denied us a minimum wage increase!” say Senate Democrats who voted against it

WASHINGTON—As the latest Stimulus package was brought to the Senate late Friday, the Democrats failed to pass it, even with their small majority.  The Democratic Senate Parlimentarian voted against it, specifically denying the workers of the United States an increased minimum wage. 

“This is so surprising,” says Chuck Schumer, who was fully equipped to force the bill through, but chose not to.  “I’m so surprised.  This could’ve gone through.  If only there was something we could’ve done.”

In the event that a Senate Parlimentarian is the deciding vote, the bill can still be passed by the Vice President, who has promptly ignored the issue. 

“You know, this really is an outrage,” says President Joe Biden.  “Unfortunately, it looks like there’s nothing that we can do.  Oh well.  I guess we tried.  We still get the other stuff.”